01. "Take the stairs. Take the stairs. For God's sake, take the stairs!!!"
02. "Please do not disturb Evelyn. She already is."
03. "If Nancy doesn't wake up screaming, she won't wake up at all..."
04. "They will make cemeteries their cathedrals and the cities will be your tombs."
05. "It's cheaper than a chainsaw!"
06. "Herbert West has a very good head on his shoulders...and another one in a dish on his desk."
07. "It started in May in a small town. And every month after that whenever the moon was full...it came back."
08. "Anything this hideous must be stopped from breeding."
09. "Humans are such easy prey."
10. "Ding dong. You're dead."
11. "Violent death was the easy way out!"
12. "The good news is your dates are here. The bad news is…they're dead."
13. "He'll tear your soul apart."
14. "This time…it's personal."
15. "Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It's fun to be a vampire."
16. "You have the right to remain silent. Forever."
17. "Angela is having a party. Jason and Freddy are too scared to come. But you'll have a hell of a time."
18. "Hell has no fury like a hippo with a machine gun" OR "Puppet spunk hits the fan!"
19. "He's in town with a few days to kill."
20. "Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas."
21. "Forgive me father, for I am sin."
22. "Check in. Relax. Take a shower."
23. "You are who you eat."
24. "This summer, go to Hell."
25. "Oh yes, there will be blood."
26. "The last man on Earth is not alone."
27. "Something has found us."
28. "You must admit, you brought this on yourself."